The Economist has considered leaks from the US ambassador in London

M ONDAY: Today Theresa May came over. Said she wanted a trade deal to cement her legacy before she quits as prime minister in a couple of weeks. I told her Britain would need to accept our food standards, and gave her chlorinated chicken to show her how delicious our traditional American chow is. I…

The Economist has considered leaks from the US ambassador in London

M ONDAY: Right this moment Theresa Would perhaps also came visiting. Talked about she wanted a trade deal to cement her legacy sooner than she quits as top minister in a few weeks. I advised her Britain would need to accept our food requirements, and gave her chlorinated hen to present her how scrumptious our dilapidated American chow is. I mediate she loved it, and she has nice manners: when she clears her throat, she lifts her napkin up to her mouth and coughs straight into it. She seemed unhappy so I gave her a pair glasses of bourbon, that may perhaps perhaps were a mistake: she place on “I will continue to exist” and started dancing with one among the safety guys sooner than collapsing real into a tearful heap. Mrs Johnson place her to mattress in a spare room.

Tuesday: Right this moment Boris Johnson came visiting. Be aware him? The fellow with unfamiliar blond hair who is mindless…by no methodology thoughts. Looks he’s taking on from Theresa. You don’t need to salvage elected by the of us to be to blame right here, ravishing by the Conservative Event. That’s 160,000 ragged apt-soar men. Racy device. You would are also making an are trying to appear at into it.

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I advised Johnson that I changed into once struggling to salvage my head around his feature on whether Britain changed into once going to race away the European Union with or with out a deal. He muttered one thing about “having your cake and spicy it”, so I ordered tea and crumpets, because the Teach Division’s British etiquette instruction manual recommends. He polished them off, saying he hadn’t had a sq. meal in weeks, and asked if I had a spare room. Curiously he’s had girl distress, so I’ve place him up for a few days. I figured you’d sympathise.

Wednesday: Right this moment Designate Carney, the Canadian man at the Financial institution of England, came visiting. I didn’t apply every nuance of his diagnosis of the industrial consequences of a no-deal Brexit, however it eager four horsemen and a substantial assortment of plagues. He’s a mountainous fan of yours, sir, and said one thing about ensuring the hot growth changed into once no longer brought to an overhasty within derive out about injudicious monetary tightening. He also mentioned that he’s taking a watch to race to a unique job in Washington and wondered whereas which you may perhaps also very successfully be willing to set in a apt notice. I ordered some tea and crumpets, nonetheless he didn’t touch them. I remark he’s too puny to lift any extra weight. He’s form of placing around taking a watch hopeful, so I’ve place him in the ready room the set I attend ragged copies of The Economist that no one has study.

Thursday: Right this moment Jeremy Corbyn came visiting. He’s the communist with the beard who holidays in Venezuela. The political counsellor tells me that he’s doubtlessly going to be PM soon, after the blond one goes down in flames. No person likes him, and his salvage collectively got most realistic likely 14% in the hot elections, nonetheless I remark that doesn’t matter right here. I ordered tea and crumpets nonetheless he said he would take carrot juice.

He lectured me about Labour’s feature on the phrases of a trade deal after Brexit. Sir, I do know you said that health-service provision ought to be “on the table” in a deal, nonetheless if Corbyn’s order is the leisure to race by, I don’t mediate we must always touch it. Within the heart of a speech about how the staff, united, would by no methodology let The US steal over their National Properly being Provider, he collapsed on the carpet, clutching at his heart. Turns available in the market had been rumours about his health, so he went and did a photo-shoot figuring out in a park with Rihanna’s coach, and it’s been moderately principal for him. I called a (non-public) doctor and place him in one more spare room.

Friday: Right this moment the queen came visiting. I asked the team to ship tea and crumpets, nonetheless she gave the crumpets to the corgis, waved away the tea and ordered herself a supersized gin and tonic. We’ll need to salvage the etiquette instruction manual updated. She place her toes up on the sofa and said that, thanks to our particular relationship, she felt she can also direct in confidence to me: the country changed into once going to the canines, the Scots would salvage their independence, Northern Ireland would stop up becoming a member of the of us in the South and even the Welsh had been restless. She didn’t mediate there changed into once any point in being monarch of Britain if it wasn’t Big to any extent additional.

She changed into once form of questioning whether we can also place apart that principal episode in 1776, and notion that she can also salvage a gig with us. I said it shall be tricky, what alongside with her being British and all, nonetheless she’s a truly sure girl. She tried the dual carriageway that she had a half of-American mountainous-grandson, and then said she’s got a mountainous plan in Scotland which you may perhaps also hold. It has room for many golf classes and she’d salvage you a Thane. Now she seems to hold dozed off. The etiquette book doesn’t yell what to avoid losing with monarchs who are snoring to your sofa. Would perhaps also you set a matter to Ivanka? She’s apt with awkward social scenarios.

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